On turning 29, happiness, and being honest.

Today I turn 29.

I'm not one of those people that has ever felt uncomfortable or anxious with the fact that I am nearing 30.  I'd actually never given it an extreme amount of thought at all until my 29th was a week away.  All of the sudden 29 seemed SOOOO much older than 28, and SOOOO much closer to 30.  I started to question if there were things I should have accomplished by now.  Having babies, work goals, having a significant savings and things of that nature all seemed to be weighing heavy on my mind.  But most of all, I began really questioning my happiness up to this point.

I knew I was happy as could be in my personal life.  I have an amazing husband who is the kind of man most women only dream of meeting, and I have what I feel is a really strong core of girlfriends -quality, not quantity- that I have laughed with, cried with, and feel that I could entrust with the deepest of secrets.  But there was this other aspect of my life that was starting to feel....empty.  Had I let over a quarter of my life pass me by without really knowing what I wanted to do, what really makes me happy?  The thought alone was making me short of breath almost on a daily basis.  I knew I had to make a change.

 Leaving my job was the hardest decision I have made up to this point in my life.  I'd been there for almost 11 years, was comfortable with the daily routine, loved my lack of commute (a 5 minute drive), and enjoyed (most days) seeing and working with my Dad and brother.  

But was I happy?  Did I feel fulfilled?  Is this what I wanted for my life?

No.  

So I did what I felt I had to do.  Is it scary not having an income right now?  ABSOLUTELY.  But I am lucky to have to ability, with Rich's help, to take little time and figure out what it is I want to do, because I don't really know yet.  I didn't go to college so I don't have a degree to fall back on, but in a way I find that kind of liberating.  I can pretty much (with obvious limits) do whatever I want.

 So, here's to turning 29.

Here's to finding out what I want to do with my life.

Here's to being scared.

Here's to being brave.

Here's to being happy each and every day.

And here's to whatever else this year throws at me, I'm ready.

xx - C