An argument Rich and I have sometimes is how much of a homebody I can be. He thinks that since we stay in a lot that we are missing out on things. I'll admit I can feel that way too, if we decide on a Friday night we're going to stay in and end up in bed at 10pm the next morning can feel a bit blah. Wondering if we should have just pulled the trigger and gone out for a drink.
But most of the time I really could care less. I love to be home and I love my home. I love to put on music, cook dinner, eat outside, have a fire and just talk. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I have that pull, wondering if we should be doing more before we start the next phase of our life (i.e.: children). Should we be more spontaneous more often, travel on a whim, etc.?! I can feel pressured to squeeze as much in during this time its just US. Then I think that these nights at home together are the things we are going to sacrifice when we expand our family, not just the lack of bar and restaurant time we log in a week.
Been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately by a few curveballs that have been pitched this way.
Ya, it would be easier to just keep posting house projects, clothes, and recipes -- but sometimes it feels good to write/read that not everything is always as perfect as a blog can make ones life seem - that there are other people that are struggling with things, big and small.
I respect when bloggers share personal struggles. I think it can be a really brave thing to do, share something private with, for the most part, complete strangers. While I might not want to get into my personal details, it still feels good to even say/admit that there are things that are weighing on me. I think the most important thing is that I know I'll get through them, and I know that life isn't always going to be easy or perfect.
Besides, wouldn't it be boring if it was?
So here's to our struggles, our issues, and our emotions...may they open our eyes and we grow from them....everyday.
I'm not particularly active on social media....I only have an Instagram, and I often struggle with the overwhelming feeling I have to get rid of it. This brings me to a crossroads sometimes as blogging is such a social media driven animal, and social media in general is something that I like to keep at arms length. Feeling this way often leads me to question why I even blog in the first place. An exasperated "Whats the point?!" is not an uncommon statement when I sit down to compose a post.
So why do I continue? The short answer is I guess I like to have a record of life now. The things I liked, the thoughts I had, the projects Rich and I did....it's like an online diary of sorts that if someone happens to stumble upon, likes it, and wants to continue following along, then great. But if it's only my friends/family reading it, then that's great too. I guess the bottom line is I don't write this blog for likes, follows, or comments. I write it for myself and the people that want to join me on whatever is happening in my life at the moment -- and as long as I enjoy writing it and don't feel the authenticity of Follow The Rules wavering, I'll just be over here in my little corner of the internet....keepin' on.
Rich and I have been married for 4 years this coming September and while everyday is not perfect, we have a pretty nice life. Rich started his own business a little over a year and a half ago and while at times it can be stressful (and expensive!) he's doing really well. We've been able to go on vacation and take overnight/weekend trips pretty much whenever we want (thanks for pup-sitting Mom!). Our nights are spent either at one of our favorite local haunts for dinner and drinks or sitting outside around our chiminea chatting about, well everything. Needless to say, we're super happy and content with the way life is going for us right now, just us.
But when the first of your friends start to have babies and you don't fall in line, people start asking you THAT question. You know..."WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A BABY?"
Now, lets be real. When my friends started getting pregnant -- immediately I was like okay, it's time for this chapter for us too, lets go. However, my husband was little more apprehensive. It's not that he didn't want a baby, but more like he wanted to make sure we were going to try to have a baby right then for the right reasons -- not just because other people were getting pregnant and that question had begun to be asked of us. Then, the more the question was asked, the more he started to feel like we were being pressured into something and therefore a part of him started to reject the idea. Of course I didn't see it like that at the time and took him wanting to wait extremely personally. Needless to say there were a lot of long conversations, a few tears, and some bitterness on my part.
But as with most things -- hind site is 20/20.
After a lot of talking it through (like, a years worth!) we finally came to the conclusion that yes, we both do want to have kids, just when it feels right for us. Maybe that will be in the next year, but maybe it will be in the next five. We're just taking life day by day, not letting ourselves feel pressured, and really enjoying what we have now. As for people asking us about it, "yes, eventually" seems to be our answer de jour, and that seems to pacify pretty well . In the meantime, we're just going to keep living and enjoying our time spent together, just the two of us (and the pups, obvi).
New Year, New You -- you've heard it a million times before. My typical response to said saying is -insert eye roll here- and be on my way. But with a fresh set of 365 days having just started and today being my 31st (ugh!) birthday, I've taken the time to reflect on 2015 and realized that maybe 2016 is the year that I should take that corny overhyped saying and apply it to myself.
I'd mentioned a few times on the blog how 2015 was a bit of a trying year for me. Lots of changes and things happening outside of my control that made me feel as if my life was just happening around me at times and I wasn't really "there". My creative brain stalled (as evidenced by the lack of blog posts) and I put my interior design classes that I was so excited about on hold because I really just couldn't get out of my funk. I started to question whether I liked myself as a person sometimes, which can be an extremely slippery slope to go down, let alone navigate back up.
The most frustrating part is that I mostly know the steps I need to start taking to fix the things that are bothering me. I just always say that I will start tomorrow...and don't. It's a pretty wicked internal struggle that I battle almost everyday, not to mention one of the most un-Capricorn like traits I possess.
Therefore, I've resolved to make 2016 the year of me and focus on improving a few facets of my being so that I can be the best friend, sister, daughter, wife, and person that I can be. I know some of the steps that I will be taking to get the ball rolling on this but I don't know them all, and I think that's okay right now. I know I'll get there because I want to, and I think that's the key to this whole process.
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